When I started off as a Pastor, I was over critical especially concerning people who failed (read, sinned) in areas I wasn’t struggling. I judged them harshly. I talked tough to them, even posted some tough things on my wall here. I was fixated on sexual purity. I wrote and wrote and wrote. I bashed openly those who failed. I called them weak. I reminded them how evil they were and how unqualified they were in God’s service…This topic was always on my lips.
THEN MY FAILURE MOMENT CAME.
And I badly needed the mercy and grace I denied others. I became a hot topic. I was discussed by those who don’t know me. I was punished in the courts I was never invited to. Everything I was building started to crumble. I lost confidence, and my courage failed. My marriage and ministry faced imminent collapse. I was devastated. My focus and vision became blurred. Friends turned foes, and many found something to fix me with (never mind they were maybe even worse off in this regard). Church members left. Leaders talked about me and despised me.
I was at my lowest. I hit rock bottom. I decided to quit ministry. I contemplated suicide. I had failed those who looked up to me. I had failed my wife. I had failed my family. I had failed the Church. I had failed Christ. I had failed me. For 3 years I refused to forgive me. And slid into depression. I preached depressed. I served depressed. I felt a fraud. I felt a cheat.
For any one out there in need of God’s mercy and grace and a second chance, Look to God, not man.
He gave me a brand new season. Took away my fear. Took away my shame and guilt. Blessed my marriage with a brand new season, and miracle of the fruit of the womb. Granted me a fresh focus for His work. Restored my joy and renewed my passion. Blessed our ministry with a fresh start, shifted the clouds for His glory.
Now I dispense mercy and grace. I teach others to turn from wickedness from a place of humility not arrogance. I remind those who have failed that God’s not done with them yet. And I love those who are lost and hurting with a brand new compassion.
God is NOT your spouse, Pastor, friends… He is a loving, compassionate and gracious Father. Whatever it is you have done, come just as you are to Him. He will forgive and revive you. He will also give you wonderful support in godly men and women who will journey with you (one day I will tell you about mine).
IF YOU NEED HELP, OR SOME ONE TO TALK TO, INBOX ME OR CALL 0706442960. I WILL WALK WITH YOU. I promised God I would. (Psalms 51:13)
Author – Isaiah Oyugi
Excerpt from his facebook post, https://www.facebook.com/isaiah.oyugi.3